Anniversary Decisions

We celebrated our 5^th anniversary over the weekend and it was such a nice one at that.  We discussed our recent decision to adopt and come up with a surprising outcome. 

After a lengthy and very deep chat we both decided that we are going to slow down and take our time with adoption.  We both think we are moving too fast.  Jose pointed out that he wants to travel a little more before adopting and I can see where he is coming from.  Also through the adoption agency we are working with wants us to move into a two bedroom before we can even be interviewed and that still rattles me.  I personally don’t want to move with a risk of being turned down, right now.  I like where we live and we only moved here a year ago.  We are going to continue going to other agencies to see if it may be a better fit or not.  There is much more to learn about adoption before diving in, for us.

Postponing adoption two to three years isn’t really anytime at all.  We just feel that something is off right now so we are just going to try and figure it out right now.  So right now adoption will still continue to be a dream for us and still be discussed on here but I am going to open my blog up to our travels, our day to day life as we have it now and let’s just see what happens.  I hope you all will still follow me.  We just feel this is the best decision right now.

Lots of love, hugs and kisses

Orientation Last Night:

Thoughts on Orientation:

Last night went well but I have to be honest, orientation scared me.  Five couples and one single hopeful parent were there last night and my tummy was in total knots.  Not to mention I rushed right after work and Jose was running a tad late because he had to go check in on Lola.  First impressions are a must in this case but when I got to the Unitarian Church (where they held orientation) I felt tired and I must have looked it too because the lady running the show offered me some coffee.  I immediately thought “I picked the wrong day to start working out again”.  I sat down and got super nervous.  Everybody was talking about the children they already had and other couples were talking about their day, then there was me with my huge gym bag addicted to looking at my phone wondering where Jose is.  He is my calming down stabilizer and he was nowhere to be found.  Well luckily he walked in right before they shut the door.   Deep breath and here we go!

Now about the information:

The Children:

So much to talk about and only two hours to do it in;

What kind of home they could possibly come from and why?

Answer:  They can come from anywhere and anything could have happened to them.  There was no specific child she spoke about it was all generally speaking.

The stories broke my heart and it was hard to hear (for some reason the older I get the more sensitive I get).  Children could be in foster care from birth all the way to 18 years old and then they are sent out to the world alone.  Scary?  I think so. I can’t imagine that, so hard to believe that is the actual reality for so many children.

The Process:

So this is when I got a bit discouraged.  They went through step by step but they quickly told us that we need to have the room ready before the process even starts.  Even before our interview.  So I quickly looked at Jose because we don’t have two bedrooms.  We only have one.  I wish we could at least be interviewed first.  So we don’t know when we will be able to move.  We are very picky about locations but it seems that we are going to really have to figure it out sooner than later.  Jose wants to move around the summer time and of course I want to start looking like “yesterday”.  So hearing about the apartment really set us back time wise.

The options:

There are so many kids out there waiting for homes I don’t think that process will be long at all for us, once we get there.  They told us the more open we are, the easier it will be to find a child for us.  We are very open, we would like a child anywhere from 0 – 8 or 9.  It just really depends on the child and the connection. 

My final thoughts: 

I was discouraged last night for sure but I woke up this morning with a new outlook and we will tackle this.  We will be able to get through this even though it won’t be when I was hoping too.  I do have the attitude when I want something done I do my best to get it done then.  Jose told me I should slow down and it will happen when it’s supposed too.  I agree with Jose but every day that goes by is a day I get older.  I want to be able to be as active as possible with them every day.  So I just need to take a couple deep breaths and we will take the next step.

Look for an apartment.

Orientation is TOMORROW!!

Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow we finally get to go to orientation.  I am so excited about it.  So many concerns and questions are running through my brain, I can hardly wait to have them all answered.

Like: 

• What classes do we need to take in order to adopt
• What are the age ranges? (In the specific organization they are older but what ages?)
• How do we narrow down our search for a child?
• How do decide between an open or closed adoption?
• With an older child how do you make the transition to make them feel at home?

These are just a few that I have thought about for a while. 

In the organization we are meeting with there are 13 steps.  Just looking at them makes me anxious.

Here are all the steps:

1. Call Adoption SF (DONE)
2. Attend orientation (As of tomorrow DONE)
3. Fill out the Family Fact Sheet
4. Personal interview
5. Training program
6. Home study interviews (4-6 months)
7. Match with a waiting child
8. Visitation with child
9. Child placed in home as foster child
10. Adoption process begins
11. Negotiation of adoption
12. Assistance Program financial aid
13. Finalization of adoption

These steps seem intense but most important.  

Here are my thoughts on the steps that I have been thinking about the most:

(besides the actual adoption of a child of course J )

Personal interview – I think will be the most interesting.  What will they ask?  I’m sure they will ask everything around the sun.  I wonder if it will feel like I’m back in the principal’s office.

Home study interviews – Our home is always in place and looking nice.  I wonder what else?  Do we need to child proof stuff just in case?  What will the 4 – 6 month study interviews go over? 

Renegotiation of adoption – I believe this is when you speak with or about the birth parents about an open or closed adoption.  The reading I have done over this seems to me there are so many different options it’s kind of doing what you feel is best on both terms.  Jose I think would prefer a closed adoption but I don’t know if I’m full on either side.  My heart tells me closed adoption but my mind sometimes opens up about the open adoption because I also feel for the birth parents and if the child has seen them through out their lives, why take that away from them? I know it will be hard on any outcome but what is best for our child we will figure that out when the time comes.

Enough about the steps,

Reading books on gay adoption is wonderful and the problems are scary but making it a reality will be much harder than just reading about them.  No matter how hard it will be, I’m ready to be a father.  It’s funny really; Jose and I the other day were talking about the time span of adoption.  I told Jose that it could be until the end of the year depending on how fast we want to get through the classes and such.  He quickly told me he wanted to way until next summer. 

I feel if we are ready now, let’s do this now.  However I feel we both might re-discuss the time frame after we go to orientation and the process begins.  I feel we can’t really plan everything out like we hope.  We are true planners and I feel like this is going to be a rude awakening in a good way.  I think this experience will help “chill” us out a little more.

Tomorrow will be a hard day to get through because the orientation is 6 – 8pm so hopefully the clock will tick by faster than normal.

I know orientation is just the very VERY tip of the iceberg but to me it’s the important step to take (and we are wanting to take) that will change your life and start building a family the best you know how.  That my friends is what I’m excited for.

Wish us luck and can’t wait to fill you in.  Hopefully I can get a good nights rest but I’m probably too amped up to really sleep.  However showing up tomorrow with dark circles around your eyes isn’t the best first impression either.