Monday, January 31, 2011

Must watch documentary: My Flesh and Blood

Over the weekend we watch a very inspiring and moving documentary.   It was about a woman named Susan who adopted 11 special-needs kids all on her own.  There are some kids who were missing legs,  has Epidermolysis bullosa and one little girls body is burned from head to toe.  Watching Susan day in and day out with these kids just astonished me.  Susan has the ability to help these kids live life and not only that, they all were doing amazing in school.  I say were because the documentary was in 2003.  She adopted the kids and a earlyt age from basic childbirth.  Susan not only is a great mother but she stays in contact with the birth families of ther adoptive children, a few occations the families came together for a wedding and even a birthday.
To me she is a hero.  I inspire to be as wonderful of a father as she is mother.  Thank you for your story.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Gay Dads"My final thoughts"

After dedicating myself to reading this book for the past few days, I realize how determined the adoptive parents are in the book.   If one adoption fell through, they tried again, if a social worker wouldn’t help them they tried again.  In one story a couples lawyer didn’t show up in court for the adoption and one father ran to find another lawyer on the spot (they waited 2 ½ years just for that final and special day).  These fathers inspire me.  It’s a realization if you want to be a father you can be, it just can take a lot of time (or even years). 
There are also stories of adopting older children which I was happy to read.  It seems the process isn’t as long but of course it’s no easy task either.  Older children often come with emotional problems so it takes more time for the bonding trust to settle in.  With lots of love and understanding it will always happen in the end, at least that’s what the stories prove.
This gives me even more hope than I had before.
The book is a great starter to my reading on to the next one.  Not sure which book is next for me.  I’ll have to think about it.  Maybe a book on the process instead of experiences?  Have a happy weekend.  It’s almost February already, I can’t believe it.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

What to read first?

First up: Gay Dads (A Celebration of Fatherhood)

If you know of any books I should be reading (especially for older adoptions) let me know!
I am only a couple chapters in, but I’m already more nervous than I was before.  The book was published in 2004 which isn’t very long ago (but it seems so far long ago) and gay couples seem to have such a hard time adopting.  In the stories, the state where the couple is located is not mentioned (or at least in the stories I have read so far), but what the couples have went through are super rough times. 
My worries so far are:
·         Some agencies basically told a couple “good luck, nobody will allow a gay couple to adopt their child unless there is something severely wrong”.  That scares me to death.  It breaks my heart on both sides of that statement.  Why is the only option for gay couples severely disabled children?  Also that there are children out there with disabilities and no families want to adopt them or can commit the time.  
·         One couple told the agency they wanted an infant but the agency offered them a 13 yr old and a 6 yr old.  Last time I checked that wasn’t an infant.
·         Even some families seemed homophobic about the adoptions.  Some of the family members were questioning the couples pursuing adoption because the child is going to have hard enough life and to have gay parents as well is just so much.  The family situation is different for everybody.  I feel if my family questioned my desire to adopt, that it would be more out of concern but it just proves the point that gay parents are seen differently.  Will we ever be seen as the same?

So far I've only read about couples that want to adopt infants, so I hope to find somewhere in my four books read – a – thon more families that want to adopt older adopt older children.  That is my story. 
I hope the fact that I live in such a great city that is so tolerant and loving, that this process will be easier for us.  Don’t get me wrong, there will be hurdle after hurdle to get through to the end. 
The orientation is only a month and 12 days away and I am counting basically every hour.  Until then I’m going to keep reading and try to stay busy so I don’t go too crazy.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Why Adopt? Let me tell you why it’s so right for us

A couple years ago after some dear friends of ours had a baby girl we had “the talk”.  I believe it was more because we all of a sudden got super paternal.   We talked about the pros and cons of surrogacy and adoption and here are the reasons we went with adoption.
Adoption will be emotional and tough at first; however helping a child out that is in foster care or an orphanage is an amazing gift for him/her and also us.  I believe you can feel like the biological father even though you’re not.  Blood isn’t always as thick as most people think.  As my mother taught me:  love has no boundaries.  Since deciding to adopt our next conversation turned into age.  What age will we adopt?  To us that was an easy decision, 2 to 9 years old.  Why?  Everybody wants a new born.  Plus I like the idea of the child knowing what is going on (or at least comprehending it).  I know it will be a lot of work for our future child and for us but it will be so rewarding.    Deciding if we want a boy or girl we are open with that decision.  We are just walking into this whole situation with our hearts open and ready for our family to grow.
After being together for 5 years now we are on the same page and wanting to go forward and start trying to become adoptive parents.  First step:  Orientation and that is about a month away.  I on the one hand am overly excited and I always get ahead of myself and my partner is the total opposite.  He is calm and collected about getting started.  I am already daydreaming, what about? 
Here is my list:  Are we going to move out of the city?  What color are we going to paint their room?  What is going to be his/her favorite food?  What about his/her favorite color?  Basically I think about everything possible surrounding kids.
This journey is going to be the most exciting and bonding experience for my partner and I and I can’t wait to begin.  I’ll keep you posted.