Monday, March 28, 2011

Anniversary Decisions

We celebrated our 5th anniversary over the weekend and it was such a nice one at that.  We discussed our recent decision to adopt and come up with a surprising outcome. 
After a lengthy and very deep chat we both decided that we are going to slow down and take our time with adoption.  We both think we are moving too fast.  Jose pointed out that he wants to travel a little more before adopting and I can see where he is coming from.  Also through the adoption agency we are working with wants us to move into a two bedroom before we can even be interviewed and that still rattles me.  I personally don’t want to move with a risk of being turned down, right now.  I like where we live and we only moved here a year ago.  We are going to continue going to other agencies to see if it may be a better fit or not.  There is much more to learn about adoption before diving in, for us.

Postponing adoption two to three years isn’t really anytime at all.  We just feel that something is off right now so we are just going to try and figure it out right now.  So right now adoption will still continue to be a dream for us and still be discussed on here but I am going to open my blog up to our travels, our day to day life as we have it now and let’s just see what happens.  I hope you all will still follow me.  We just feel this is the best decision right now.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thoughts while making some yummy healthy frittatas

I decided to make some cupcake size frittatas because:
  1. They are a healthy option
  2. They are seriously yummy
  3. I make them when I need to butter up to some amazing co-workers (hehe)

Link to the recipe:  Totally give props to the Creator of this delish funness!

While I was creating my masterpieces I immediately thought about how my darling Jose didn’t like them because they are veggie.  At first I thought, “I should make some special just for him, but why does he always want something a little different when I make something?  Either he wants his tapatio or his tortillas or his jalapeƱos.  Then I thought “umm Jimmy, total reality check”.  If you are going to have a child, nothing you make will just be enough.  I got an immediate flashback to when my sister was a chiquitita (means little one in Spanish).  She was very picky, my mom would either have to make what my sister would eat or my sister would hardly eat.  She would only eat a few different things: spaghetti, hamburgers (the bun and the meat), venison (deer meat) and chicken (depending on what the chicken was cooked with).
So that means no veggies for her at ALL.  Even now it’s hard to get her to eat veggies, can you imagine trying to get her to eat a veggie burger?  I think not!

I quickly came to the conclusion to get over it and adjust my cooking to how people in my family like it.  So I made some veggie and some with bacon as requested.  I might as well start training myself now instead of being shocked when my child doesn’t want to eat my cooking.  I have to admit, I “can” be dramatic so I wouldn’t really be that shocked.  I just need to prepare myself for a possible picky eater.  And if that’s the case, I will still greet the situation with open arms, hugs, kisses, and more I love you’s than ever before.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Thank you to my followers!

I wanted to thank you all for following me. Your comments mean so much so tell your friends and keep them coming. Thank you for going on this journey with us and reaching out to us. We love it!

LGBT and Confidence Children Books

Recently I got curious and wondered about children books.  I grew up with Dr. Seuss and I loved “Green Eggs & Ham” and “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish” and loved them.
However now, I have found a whole new world of children’s books.  I have found many books on LGBT families and confidence books.

The two LGBT books I have bought so far are”
1.       A Tale of Two Daddies
2.       Daddy, Papa, and Me

I feel as an LGBT family it’s important especially with adoption to provide information to children that having two daddies is ok even though it is different to the “norm”.
The books we have got so far are such fun books.  “A Tale of Two Daddies” is about a little girl’s friend asked her questions on having two daddies, such as:  Who cooks for you and who tucks you in at night. The answers are both daddies of course!
The same kinda deal goes for “Daddy, Papa, and Me.  Both daddies want to play with the child and dress up.  It just shows in both books that two daddies are just as amazing as a mom and dad.
There are long lists of books I want to get with all different age groups – mainly from 4 to 8.  There is even a child’s book about Harvey Milk which I find really important but I haven’t bought it yet.

One of my top books that I want to get is:
·         My Uncles Wedding by Eric Ross
It’s a cute story, Andy is a little boy and the story is through his eyes about his uncle marrying his partner.  The author is from San Francisco and it’s just a super cute book.  So to all my friends with kids, as soon as gay marriage is once again legal in California you’re SO getting a copy!  Since Jose and I quickly call ourselves uncles even though we are no way related.

For the confidence books:
I find myself with a long wish list on for books especially in this area of books, such as:
1.       The Skin You Live In
2.       The Peace Book
3.       The I Love You Book
4.       The Feelings Book
5.       It’s Okay To Be Different
6.       We Belong Together
7.       We’re Different, We’re the Same
The list goes on and on, this is just to name a few.

The main point in all these books is that it’s always ok to be yourself, we will always love you no matter what, there are so many different types of people, and you can always tell us how you feel.
I find with a new generation of books children may grow up with better communication to their parents or at least feel more comfortable talking with their parents about anything.  Also, through these books knowing that they are loved and that YOU love them no matter what.  The earlier they feel in their heart that you love them the better it will be, especially if you adopt a child and if they are older. 

Here is my dilemma:
How many LGBT and confidence books are too much?  When will it be just too much?  I feel the classics definitely have their place but I guess I look at these books and I wish I read whoever you are and how ever you are, you are ok.  It’s ok to be adopted, have a different color of skin than your parents, that you have two daddies (or mommies), or have curly hair.  These situations are real but I feel we can help with the confidence through these books.

I can go crazy buying all these books so I decided to for now on to go through all the books with Jose before buying 50 different books.  I find that I can be a bit excessive.   J

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Orientation Last Night:

Thoughts on Orientation:
Last night went well but I have to be honest, orientation scared me.  Five couples and one single hopeful parent were there last night and my tummy was in total knots.  Not to mention I rushed right after work and Jose was running a tad late because he had to go check in on Lola.  First impressions are a must in this case but when I got to the Unitarian Church (where they held orientation) I felt tired and I must have looked it too because the lady running the show offered me some coffee.  I immediately thought “I picked the wrong day to start working out again”.  I sat down and got super nervous.  Everybody was talking about the children they already had and other couples were talking about their day, then there was me with my huge gym bag addicted to looking at my phone wondering where Jose is.  He is my calming down stabilizer and he was nowhere to be found.  Well luckily he walked in right before they shut the door.   Deep breath and here we go!

Now about the information:
The Children:
So much to talk about and only two hours to do it in;
What kind of home they could possibly come from and why?
Answer:  They can come from anywhere and anything could have happened to them.  There was no specific child she spoke about it was all generally speaking.
The stories broke my heart and it was hard to hear (for some reason the older I get the more sensitive I get).  Children could be in foster care from birth all the way to 18 years old and then they are sent out to the world alone.  Scary?  I think so. I can’t imagine that, so hard to believe that is the actual reality for so many children.

The Process:
So this is when I got a bit discouraged.  They went through step by step but they quickly told us that we need to have the room ready before the process even starts.  Even before our interview.  So I quickly looked at Jose because we don’t have two bedrooms.  We only have one.  I wish we could at least be interviewed first.  So we don’t know when we will be able to move.  We are very picky about locations but it seems that we are going to really have to figure it out sooner than later.  Jose wants to move around the summer time and of course I want to start looking like “yesterday”.  So hearing about the apartment really set us back time wise.

The options:
There are so many kids out there waiting for homes I don’t think that process will be long at all for us, once we get there.  They told us the more open we are, the easier it will be to find a child for us.  We are very open, we would like a child anywhere from 0 – 8 or 9.  It just really depends on the child and the connection. 

My final thoughts: 
I was discouraged last night for sure but I woke up this morning with a new outlook and we will tackle this.  We will be able to get through this even though it won’t be when I was hoping too.  I do have the attitude when I want something done I do my best to get it done then.  Jose told me I should slow down and it will happen when it’s supposed too.  I agree with Jose but every day that goes by is a day I get older.  I want to be able to be as active as possible with them every day.  So I just need to take a couple deep breaths and we will take the next step.

Look for an apartment.

Finally A Celebrity! (at least to me)

Complete credit to "Born This Way" blog and CNN.  I just wanted to share this with all of you!  :)

*Note to my "Celebrity" Signature.  You like?  I LOVE!

Featured on for "Born This Way" article!

Got an email from a lovely friend letting me know that part of my Born This Way submission made it in the article!  So exciting!  Care to read here is the link!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Orientation is TOMORROW!!

Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow we finally get to go to orientation.  I am so excited about it.  So many concerns and questions are running through my brain, I can hardly wait to have them all answered.
  • What classes do we need to take in order to adopt
  • What are the age ranges? (In the specific organization they are older but what ages?)
  • How do we narrow down our search for a child?
  • How do decide between an open or closed adoption?
  • With an older child how do you make the transition to make them feel at home?

These are just a few that I have thought about for a while. 

In the organization we are meeting with there are 13 steps.  Just looking at them makes me anxious.
Here are all the steps:

  1. Call Adoption SF (DONE)
  2. Attend orientation (As of tomorrow DONE)
  3. Fill out the Family Fact Sheet
  4. Personal interview
  5. Training program
  6. Home study interviews (4-6 months)
  7. Match with a waiting child
  8. Visitation with child
  9. Child placed in home as foster child
  10. Adoption process begins
  11. Negotiation of adoption
  12. Assistance Program financial aid
  13. Finalization of adoption

These steps seem intense but most important.  

Here are my thoughts on the steps that I have been thinking about the most:
(besides the actual adoption of a child of course J )

Personal interview – I think will be the most interesting.  What will they ask?  I’m sure they will ask everything around the sun.  I wonder if it will feel like I’m back in the principal’s office.

Home study interviews – Our home is always in place and looking nice.  I wonder what else?  Do we need to child proof stuff just in case?  What will the 4 – 6 month study interviews go over? 

Renegotiation of adoption – I believe this is when you speak with or about the birth parents about an open or closed adoption.  The reading I have done over this seems to me there are so many different options it’s kind of doing what you feel is best on both terms.  Jose I think would prefer a closed adoption but I don’t know if I’m full on either side.  My heart tells me closed adoption but my mind sometimes opens up about the open adoption because I also feel for the birth parents and if the child has seen them through out their lives, why take that away from them? I know it will be hard on any outcome but what is best for our child we will figure that out when the time comes.

Enough about the steps,

Reading books on gay adoption is wonderful and the problems are scary but making it a reality will be much harder than just reading about them.  No matter how hard it will be, I’m ready to be a father.  It’s funny really; Jose and I the other day were talking about the time span of adoption.  I told Jose that it could be until the end of the year depending on how fast we want to get through the classes and such.  He quickly told me he wanted to way until next summer. 

I feel if we are ready now, let’s do this now.  However I feel we both might re-discuss the time frame after we go to orientation and the process begins.  I feel we can’t really plan everything out like we hope.  We are true planners and I feel like this is going to be a rude awakening in a good way.  I think this experience will help “chill” us out a little more.

Tomorrow will be a hard day to get through because the orientation is 6 – 8pm so hopefully the clock will tick by faster than normal.

I know orientation is just the very VERY tip of the iceberg but to me it’s the important step to take (and we are wanting to take) that will change your life and start building a family the best you know how.  That my friends is what I’m excited for.

Wish us luck and can’t wait to fill you in.  Hopefully I can get a good nights rest but I’m probably too amped up to really sleep.  However showing up tomorrow with dark circles around your eyes isn’t the best first impression either. 

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Featured on "Born This Way" blog!

I’m super excited about this blog!  It’s a great blog about people telling their stories with pictures of themselves from super young to about 12 years old.  Some stories are funny, powerful and some are sad.  The stories come from all over the world, it’s such a great idea that Paul came up with.
If you want to follow him on Twitter here is his twitter:  @BornThisWayBlog

Just be warned it’s pretty addictive but very interesting.  There are so many people besides me that have submitted their story’s so start READING already!  If you want to see my story click on the link below!

Hope you enjoy!!  Feel free to comment and don't forget to click
·         Fabulous
·         Funny
·         Cutie!
·         Great Story

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Baby Blanket Adventure!!

The reason of wanting to make a baby blanket is that some of our very best friends just adopted a baby girl.  As soon as I heard about it I felt I had to do this.  It’s such a special occasion and I couldn’t think of anything else I could do but make something by hand.
Finally I was able to meet up with one of my best girlfriends (Ms. Melissa) and put this baby blanket together!

After arriving at 6pm this is what was waiting for me:

Sea bass, fruit, potatoes, asparagus (so yummy)
After literally stuffing my face with some great food and wonderful company, we looked at each other and we said:  the day has come!  Let’s tackle it!

So here are the most important items:
·         Fabric (obviously)
·         Cotton stuffing
·         Thread
·         Satin binding (for the border)
·         Sewing machine
·         Sewing machine manual
·         A very special friend! (this is a MUST have if you are a beginner)

Here is Melissa when we first started

Here is when we couldn't figure out the bobbin.  Or so we thought!!

Guess what?  We were pulling the knob the wrong way!!  THE WHOLE TIME!!!  It wasn't the bobbin.  Once we finally figured out that out the sewing flew by.  I am so proud of us!  I really am.

Here I am with the back of the blanket

I'm trying not to laugh and poke my finger with a needle. 

Here are the pictures of the final product:

Final thought about the baby blanket.  Besided\s the heart to heart with a good friend and really getting to know each other, I really enjoyed making the blanket.  I found it was easier if you have somebody help at first so you can really grasp the project at hand.  Will I make one again?  Sure I will.  Maybe my next one will be for mine?  Or maybe I can up the notch and make a full blanket if we have an older child.  We'll  have to see.  This blanket was only a yard, I can't imagine making a large one. 

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Weekend In Sequim

Jose and I in the horse barn

Jose and I went to Washington State to see my family to surprise my sister on her 25th birthday.  The surprise was great and she was happy.  We had to go because she got into WSU so I don’t know when the next time I will be able to see her.

Happy Birthday Melissa!!
While we were there my mom, my Aunt Wanda and Jose had a chat about adoption.  My mom is very excited about the possibility and a wonderful surprise my aunt is as well.  I just never know what to expect from anybody so when I get a positive response I definitely count my blessings.  We chatted about ages, what issues we can deal with or what we can’t deal with.  It was a very moving conversation (maybe because at that moment I was also going through pictures of my sister and I while we were growing up.  For me, having my family stand with us in the decision emotional and powerful.  My mom made sure to tell us that no matter if the child is biological or adopted, that child will always be loved by them.  My heart sank.  It’s only a little over a week away before orientation and the time has actually flied by. 

While we were visiting Jose and I were walking around looking at the Olympic Mtns, watching the horses run around  and of course trying to stay clear from my family’s evil chickens (I have never liked them, I have a very dark past with chickens).  I realized how lucky I am with the family I have.  I and my sister are both gay and my family is there whole heartedly.  It makes me excited to make my parents, grandparents.  My mom can’t wait to have a child in the family again; there hasn’t been one since my sister grew up.  I sure hope this week and 3 days go by fast.  I just can’t wait!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Family is so important

While cooking dinner last night (it totally turned out delish!!):

I started to think about the importance of family and what role they play in your life.  As much as I would like to think that I personally could make it out there all on my own I honestly don’t know what I would do without my family.  Good or bad they all play a part in my development.  Luckily Jose and I both have such good families, Jose’s mom is so gentle and loving it’s unbelievable.   Even though I have yet learned enough Spanish to keep up a conversation you can feel the love through her actions, her smile, and her laugh.  She has a great laugh.  As far as his sisters, can you say amazing?  They all are nothing short of that.  His nephews and nieces are obviously the cutest; they call me uncle which it’s the funniest.   I love every bit of it.  Becoming a part of Jose’s family was the easiest; right off the back his mom would constantly fill my plate even though I was so old I couldn’t eat another bite.  His sisters talk to me and still quiz me about stuff, and his nieces and nephews tell me about their day to day life which I can’t get enough of.
I believe Jose is such a wonderful man because of his mom and sisters.  He is strong, and knows what he wants and nothing you do will make him feel different.  I have them to thank for such a wonderful husband.

As for me both my parents they taught me if you work hard, things will work out.  I find that to be true for the most part.  My grandparents are a second set of parents to me.  They taught me to always be a good person, never judge and just show who you are.  Just the other day I spoke to my grandma on the phone and she called me her “special guy”.  I’m almost 29 and I still don’t get tired of hearing that.  My sister has always taught me that determination can get you to where you want to go and to never give up.  She is still going after her dream to become a vet even though it may take her a little longer (she is 4 years younger than I am but I have always looked up to her).  To my aunts and uncles except one aunt, they have always loved me no matter what and have always tried to understand me.  They taught me that even if you don’t understand, try.  To that except one aunt, she has taught be that her ignorance will not drag me down anymore.  Even though she told me she couldn’t congratulate me on my marriage to my husband because she thinks what I am is wrong.  I have spent 2 years strongly disliking her and never wanting anybody to mention her name because a fire would burn in my soul.  Now, she no longer controls my feelings.  Do I forgive her?  No, I have just decided to move on and be happy and not to think about how she could do this to me?  Why would she say these things to me?  I stopped caring, it has been the most freeing thing I have ever done.  So what she has taught me is that sometimes ignorance gets the best of people, if they decide not to educate themselves, what can you do?  Just move on and be happy.  I feel since we want a child I need to learn these lessons so everything will be a pro in our child’s life.  I want no anger in our lives, no resentment.  Only love and happiness.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

My first pie!!! That’s right, you heard me!

Since I’m trying to learn how to like cooking I decided to dive right in.  Why not bake a pie from total scratch, including the crust.  Crazy right?  A little yes.
On my journey I have found if you make it yourself it means more, or at least you feel better about it.  I have obviously had pies in the past but they were store bought and the taste was never as sweet as my first.
Again this recipe is from my good friend Kate (I like to call her my personal Julia Child).  It’s an easy recipe but for beginners, have fun!!
Things I need to remind myself when I start to cook or bake something new:
·         Don’t be hard on yourself if it doesn’t turn out as you planned.
·         It’s your first time so don’t have an anxiety attack, its ok – just breathe!!!!!
·         When reading directions on how to make it look pretty but you can’t make it look like it, it’s ok – the most important thing is the taste!  J

This pie is not a pie, it’s a masterpiece.  The only thing I did different was use blueberries instead of raspberries. 

Funny note about my first time baking this pie!  After crating the crust I decided to put it in my “pie pan” then I noticed uuuummm I bought a cake pan.  Haha so my pie turned out to look more like a cake.  Ooohh this is one for the memory book for sure!  I was wondering why the crust wouldn’t flap over like in Kate’s blog picture. 

Of course after the pie was ready to serve I gave Jose the first piece and said “good luck, hope you survive”, and he did!  He said it was really good, I thought he was lying at first until I saw him get another piece. 

I am starting to find cooking and baking empowering in its own way (especially since the whole time I was baking I blast Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”).  Like I said before, it tastes so much sweeter if you make it yourself.    On to the next project, wish me luck.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

To stay in the city or not to stay in the city, that my friends is the question.


Deciding to stay in the city or not was actually not a hard decision.  We both love the city, but we both equally agree leaving is the best.  Of course we would never go far because we both work in the city but we can get more space and maybe even our own yard. 
When we discussed leaving the city my point of view is that I grew up in a small town and never lived in an apartment until I moved to Seattle (of course that was before I came to San Francisco).  I just don’t want to raise a child in the city.  I find it overwhelming as it is and I’ve been here for 7 years already.   I do believe raising a child in the city does have benefits to it, I would just rather be able to come back when we want.
The city with our child can be more of an exciting event rather than being an everyday thing.  I actually look forward to leaving.   It just seems the older I get, the louder the city gets.  I find myself going to bed at 9 or 10 and our neighbors are having a party and I can hear every laugh or stomp and I try sleeping with ear plugs. 
I guess I’m just changing and ready for the next move in our life. 
Now trying to figure out where to go will be the harder decision.  Where are the best schools, safer locations, and more things to do with your dog? 
I think these decisions will be a bit more difficult and a lot more compromising.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Learning how to like to cook!

Wanting to be a parent also means doing things you don’t necessarily want to do.  For me that would be cooking.  I find it boring and to be honest, why would you spend an hour cooking if it only takes you an average of 10 minutes to eat.
Now deciding to adopt obviously my view on this has changed.  I want my child to have a very healthy diet and the only way to do that is to cook and make sure the good stuff is being eaten.  I fear of obesity in our child because it’s so common now in the U.S.
So how did I finally figure out to like or at least tolerate cooking?  My good friend Kate, her blog is amazing.
Here is our breakfast this morning:

Looks crazy right?  Crazy delicious!  I find on her blog to be basically beginner friendly and so many great ideas.  She has an easy section and kid friendly section.  So while Jose does 99.9% of the cooking we both have decided to be committed to pick something new every weekend each and start cooking.  I will probably cook the breakfasts (because I am up at 7am, Lola is always waiting for some play time), and Jose will do the lunches or dinner.  I think it’s a good deal.  Not only has Kate’s blog inspire me to actually cook but maybe even possibly bake.  Who knows?  One step at a time, of course.  J
Now about our breakfast above, beautifully yummy looking huh?  Well it is.
What you will need is:
8 whole canned tomatoes
1 pound mushrooms, trimmed and halved
6 tablespoons olive oil
8 (1/2-inch thick) slices rustic country bread
1 garlic clove, halved crosswise
4 ounces thinly sliced smoked ham 
8 large eggs
* Note:  This amount makes 4 to 8 servings.                                     
Here is the link to her blog and the directions to the cooking.  You won’t be disappointed!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Happy 2nd Birthday Lola!

(Lola's first picture, on our way home from picking her up)

Today you turn 2 years old and I can hardly believe it.  I still remember the day we brought you home.  You were a “heavy” 1 ½ lbs.  Little did we know you would not only change our lives, but also teach us so many life lessons in the short time we have had you. I can’t imagine what the next 20 years are going to be like.

(The first time she fell asleep on me)

In the first 2 weeks and 2 emergency room visits our bond was nothing we have ever felt before.  Right off the bat we became dedicated to you and loving you more everyday and that has been very easy to do.


You have always been such a good dog.  Here are my top reasons why you are so amazing to us:
  • You know all the tricks: sit, wait, down, roll over, and the newly taught trick – shake
  • You come when we call you (even if you don't want to, I can tell by the way you look at us)
  • When we go for our walks you now stop at every corner and wait for me to say OK before you cross the street
  • You are such a cuddle-bug and that tugs on our heart strings (but you already know that)
  • The way you get so excited when we have your favorite treat and before we can tell you what trick to do you perform every single one in about 2 seconds
  • You are always so happy and smiling
  • I personally love how you know I am running a bath for you and you get excited.  It’s about time you like your baths 
  • This is our favorite:  When we are about to go out and about for the day and you see either one of us bring out your bag (because you are always with us), we put your bag down just for a second to grab something and when we come back you are already in your bag, looking up at us – smiling
Of course there is so many other reasons why you are perfect for our family but these are just a few.

(Cuddling with her cousin Rupie)

Ms. Lola, because of you our family has grown closer and stronger in ways that are inspiring to us.  You have taught us that together we want our family to grow even more than just the three of us.  Jose has never had a dog before you.  In fact I had to beg him for 2 years to get a puppy and the deal was he could pick our new addition.  He found you.  He saw you once and that was it.  He made the best choice possible.  I see the way he looks at you; he looks at you with so much love and care.  When I catch that look it makes me realize how good of a Papi he will be alongside me for our own child.   

(Halloween 2010)

(Christmas 2010)

Thank you so much for everything you have done for us.  Like I said before, we love you more every day.  We honestly could not imagine our lives without you.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Must watch documentary: My Flesh and Blood

Over the weekend we watch a very inspiring and moving documentary.   It was about a woman named Susan who adopted 11 special-needs kids all on her own.  There are some kids who were missing legs,  has Epidermolysis bullosa and one little girls body is burned from head to toe.  Watching Susan day in and day out with these kids just astonished me.  Susan has the ability to help these kids live life and not only that, they all were doing amazing in school.  I say were because the documentary was in 2003.  She adopted the kids and a earlyt age from basic childbirth.  Susan not only is a great mother but she stays in contact with the birth families of ther adoptive children, a few occations the families came together for a wedding and even a birthday.
To me she is a hero.  I inspire to be as wonderful of a father as she is mother.  Thank you for your story.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Gay Dads"My final thoughts"

After dedicating myself to reading this book for the past few days, I realize how determined the adoptive parents are in the book.   If one adoption fell through, they tried again, if a social worker wouldn’t help them they tried again.  In one story a couples lawyer didn’t show up in court for the adoption and one father ran to find another lawyer on the spot (they waited 2 ½ years just for that final and special day).  These fathers inspire me.  It’s a realization if you want to be a father you can be, it just can take a lot of time (or even years). 
There are also stories of adopting older children which I was happy to read.  It seems the process isn’t as long but of course it’s no easy task either.  Older children often come with emotional problems so it takes more time for the bonding trust to settle in.  With lots of love and understanding it will always happen in the end, at least that’s what the stories prove.
This gives me even more hope than I had before.
The book is a great starter to my reading on to the next one.  Not sure which book is next for me.  I’ll have to think about it.  Maybe a book on the process instead of experiences?  Have a happy weekend.  It’s almost February already, I can’t believe it.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

What to read first?

First up: Gay Dads (A Celebration of Fatherhood)

If you know of any books I should be reading (especially for older adoptions) let me know!
I am only a couple chapters in, but I’m already more nervous than I was before.  The book was published in 2004 which isn’t very long ago (but it seems so far long ago) and gay couples seem to have such a hard time adopting.  In the stories, the state where the couple is located is not mentioned (or at least in the stories I have read so far), but what the couples have went through are super rough times. 
My worries so far are:
·         Some agencies basically told a couple “good luck, nobody will allow a gay couple to adopt their child unless there is something severely wrong”.  That scares me to death.  It breaks my heart on both sides of that statement.  Why is the only option for gay couples severely disabled children?  Also that there are children out there with disabilities and no families want to adopt them or can commit the time.  
·         One couple told the agency they wanted an infant but the agency offered them a 13 yr old and a 6 yr old.  Last time I checked that wasn’t an infant.
·         Even some families seemed homophobic about the adoptions.  Some of the family members were questioning the couples pursuing adoption because the child is going to have hard enough life and to have gay parents as well is just so much.  The family situation is different for everybody.  I feel if my family questioned my desire to adopt, that it would be more out of concern but it just proves the point that gay parents are seen differently.  Will we ever be seen as the same?

So far I've only read about couples that want to adopt infants, so I hope to find somewhere in my four books read – a – thon more families that want to adopt older adopt older children.  That is my story. 
I hope the fact that I live in such a great city that is so tolerant and loving, that this process will be easier for us.  Don’t get me wrong, there will be hurdle after hurdle to get through to the end. 
The orientation is only a month and 12 days away and I am counting basically every hour.  Until then I’m going to keep reading and try to stay busy so I don’t go too crazy.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Why Adopt? Let me tell you why it’s so right for us

A couple years ago after some dear friends of ours had a baby girl we had “the talk”.  I believe it was more because we all of a sudden got super paternal.   We talked about the pros and cons of surrogacy and adoption and here are the reasons we went with adoption.
Adoption will be emotional and tough at first; however helping a child out that is in foster care or an orphanage is an amazing gift for him/her and also us.  I believe you can feel like the biological father even though you’re not.  Blood isn’t always as thick as most people think.  As my mother taught me:  love has no boundaries.  Since deciding to adopt our next conversation turned into age.  What age will we adopt?  To us that was an easy decision, 2 to 9 years old.  Why?  Everybody wants a new born.  Plus I like the idea of the child knowing what is going on (or at least comprehending it).  I know it will be a lot of work for our future child and for us but it will be so rewarding.    Deciding if we want a boy or girl we are open with that decision.  We are just walking into this whole situation with our hearts open and ready for our family to grow.
After being together for 5 years now we are on the same page and wanting to go forward and start trying to become adoptive parents.  First step:  Orientation and that is about a month away.  I on the one hand am overly excited and I always get ahead of myself and my partner is the total opposite.  He is calm and collected about getting started.  I am already daydreaming, what about? 
Here is my list:  Are we going to move out of the city?  What color are we going to paint their room?  What is going to be his/her favorite food?  What about his/her favorite color?  Basically I think about everything possible surrounding kids.
This journey is going to be the most exciting and bonding experience for my partner and I and I can’t wait to begin.  I’ll keep you posted.