Monday, March 7, 2011

Orientation is TOMORROW!!

Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow we finally get to go to orientation.  I am so excited about it.  So many concerns and questions are running through my brain, I can hardly wait to have them all answered.
  • What classes do we need to take in order to adopt
  • What are the age ranges? (In the specific organization they are older but what ages?)
  • How do we narrow down our search for a child?
  • How do decide between an open or closed adoption?
  • With an older child how do you make the transition to make them feel at home?

These are just a few that I have thought about for a while. 

In the organization we are meeting with there are 13 steps.  Just looking at them makes me anxious.
Here are all the steps:

  1. Call Adoption SF (DONE)
  2. Attend orientation (As of tomorrow DONE)
  3. Fill out the Family Fact Sheet
  4. Personal interview
  5. Training program
  6. Home study interviews (4-6 months)
  7. Match with a waiting child
  8. Visitation with child
  9. Child placed in home as foster child
  10. Adoption process begins
  11. Negotiation of adoption
  12. Assistance Program financial aid
  13. Finalization of adoption

These steps seem intense but most important.  

Here are my thoughts on the steps that I have been thinking about the most:
(besides the actual adoption of a child of course J )

Personal interview – I think will be the most interesting.  What will they ask?  I’m sure they will ask everything around the sun.  I wonder if it will feel like I’m back in the principal’s office.

Home study interviews – Our home is always in place and looking nice.  I wonder what else?  Do we need to child proof stuff just in case?  What will the 4 – 6 month study interviews go over? 

Renegotiation of adoption – I believe this is when you speak with or about the birth parents about an open or closed adoption.  The reading I have done over this seems to me there are so many different options it’s kind of doing what you feel is best on both terms.  Jose I think would prefer a closed adoption but I don’t know if I’m full on either side.  My heart tells me closed adoption but my mind sometimes opens up about the open adoption because I also feel for the birth parents and if the child has seen them through out their lives, why take that away from them? I know it will be hard on any outcome but what is best for our child we will figure that out when the time comes.

Enough about the steps,

Reading books on gay adoption is wonderful and the problems are scary but making it a reality will be much harder than just reading about them.  No matter how hard it will be, I’m ready to be a father.  It’s funny really; Jose and I the other day were talking about the time span of adoption.  I told Jose that it could be until the end of the year depending on how fast we want to get through the classes and such.  He quickly told me he wanted to way until next summer. 

I feel if we are ready now, let’s do this now.  However I feel we both might re-discuss the time frame after we go to orientation and the process begins.  I feel we can’t really plan everything out like we hope.  We are true planners and I feel like this is going to be a rude awakening in a good way.  I think this experience will help “chill” us out a little more.

Tomorrow will be a hard day to get through because the orientation is 6 – 8pm so hopefully the clock will tick by faster than normal.

I know orientation is just the very VERY tip of the iceberg but to me it’s the important step to take (and we are wanting to take) that will change your life and start building a family the best you know how.  That my friends is what I’m excited for.

Wish us luck and can’t wait to fill you in.  Hopefully I can get a good nights rest but I’m probably too amped up to really sleep.  However showing up tomorrow with dark circles around your eyes isn’t the best first impression either. 


  1. I found your blog (CONGRATS!) through the "born this way blog" - which ROCKS! My partner and I have been proud and loud foster parents for 13 months, with the end hope of adoption. We have three little ones ( 10, 2, 1). There is NOTHING - I assure you - more rewarding than the journey you two are about to be on. We are in a different state ( East coast), so it may work different in CA. Just HAD to give you huge accolades, and let you know you have major support coming at you from the East coast!!!! All of your questions are legit. If you ever want to chat, please e-mail us at

  2. I also found your blog through BTW - Congratulations on starting your family!
    We know several people who have adopted, and I know it's a lot of hurry up and wait. I think it's a lot like pregnancy - you even get the nausea (from apprehension and excitement, rather than hormones:)
    My husband and I have a 3 month old and a two year old, and it is a wonderful adventure. You never feel ready, you just...go through the process, and suddenly you Are.
    We always intended on adopting, 'till I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to try out my plumbing. We were both terrified, both times, but haven't regretted it for a moment. Dive in - it's worth it.
    We're East Bay folks. FB me if you'd like. We always like meeting new, lovely people.
    Magenta Brooks

  3. Hey, I just linked to your blog thru the article via btw. Good luck! My bff and write up a parenting-ish blog - check us out! My bff has lots of adoption stories from her family, so she might be able to give you some insight (if you ask).

  4. Thanks to you 3! your support is so very nice! Makes me even more excited!! Orientation was great but overwhelming to say the least! New post coming soon!

  5. JessandTonya- Good luck with the final adoption. That seems to be the last bit of total stress! you are almost there. So happy for you. that is most wonderful.

  6. When you two hold your child for the first time, you will know that all the stress, overwhelming paperwork and decisions, visits, etc., were part of the plan. Even now, he or she is meant for you and waiting to meet you. Don't wait! ~Ethne

  7. Thank you very much. The Orientation was exciting but raised so many questions. The training was insightful, and the home study was unnerving. Like you - we are neat and tidy. I (Jess) got nervous our house would appear to kempt. Tonya is the easy going, and the nonchalant one, who lets EVERYTHING flow. In our state – we chose fost-to-adopt , because 90% of the children who become legally free – stay with their foster parents. Like you and Jose we were open to all ages. The bureaucracy of it all can get daunting but tucking our little one’s in every night, kissing their “owwies”, and hearing the word Mommy ( Daddy – in your case  )- absolutely makes every single bit worth it. Just an FYI – we went to orientation October of 09’, went to our classes, November and December – concurrently doing our home study, and were licensed by January 2010. We got our oldest and youngest the first week of Feb 2010, and have not looked back since. Please do feel free to e-mail. As folks who have personally gone through everything you are about to go through – there is NOTHING more that I would have wished for than somebody’s brain to pick!